Sad News today...

     So today I found out that a friend of mine is on hospice.  I have known her for about 11 years or so and it made me so sad.  My heart is hurting for my friend.  She has cancer in the jaw and it is back with a vengeance and there is no longer any hope.  She has weeks or months and my heart just breaks for her and her family.  She is one of the sweetest women I know.  Always so kind and gentle...I love my friend so much.  It's just so hard when life hands these lessons out.  I know it's all part of life's plan but oh it is so hard to bear sometimes.  I am hoping my mom will give her a hug for me when she gets to the other side.  I always gave my friend a hug and wish I could now but she needs time alone with her family and she is pretty wasted away from what Christina tells me.  I am grateful that I can think of her when she was in full health...my prayers are with her and her family.

On my journey...

My journey continues with it's ups and downs.  One week I am on the top of the world and then the next I am frustrated.  It's all a part of life and no reason to fret...that's why it's a journey.  There are ups and downs and side roads and it's all good.  It's as it is and I am grateful for what I have done and what I continue to do.  I got on the scale this morning and it was up a few pounds.  It is so frustrating to see it but I do know that it is what it is and next week it will be down those pounds and more.  Sigh...sometimes it is hard to keep on my journey and be strong and know that this is all going to happen.  I know it will all be well as I am committed to continuing on my journey and will continue to do all I can to make it happen.  This is a lifelong journey and it has it's side roads but I plan on staying on the right road and seeing the progress of the journey.

Life's Challenges

Sometimes there are just challenges in life and it has nothing to do with a journey I am on.  I guess it's a different type of journey...one of getting along with those you work with.  At least one in particular.  It is a part of my life and my challenge and I am constantly trying to change my attitude and not worry about anyone else's attitude.  I know that the only person I can change is me...no one else, just me.  I feel so inadequate at times and fail so miserably but at least I keep trying, right?  I know I have to concentrate on my blessings and I do try to do that. 

I am proud of myself because I was able to take in some blouses that I haven't been able to wear yet as I am losing weight so yeah...I can wear 2 blouses my sweetheart bought for me over the summer that are long sleeved for winter.  I took them in on the seams and they look great.  I am really excited to wear them now...and the best thing is they only cost $5 and I still get to enjoy them. :)  I took in the seams on some skirts too so they aren't a total loss or going to someone else.  I love these skirts and I am so happy I get to still wear them.

Oh...the good news is that I lost 3.6 pounds over the holiday season and I have lost a total of 35 pounds now.  I am so proud of myself and plan on continuing on my journey to get to where I want to be.  

New Beginnings and my journey...

It is January 7, 2013 and I can't believe how long it's been since I wrote on my blog.  So much has happened since my last post.  Daniel came home from Chile, was home a week and then we took him up to BYU Idaho to go to college.  That was so hard...to have him home a week and then to take him away again.  I knew that this was the right thing to do and I love my son so very much that I knew we had to do it.  I am so glad I listened to the Spirit when I was told he needed to go there.  In March 2012 while he was there he was at a church activity and riding on an ATV and ended up going off of it and got a broken collar bone that required him to come home for surgery.   That was such a crazy time as we got the call about the accident and the next day we were in the car heading up to Idaho to bring him home...in pain and pretty out of it but that's another story. He was home for about 7 weeks and went back to continue in school.

The biggest thing that happened is that I finally decided to take control of my life and my weight.  Back in August I started getting the thought that I had better do something about my weight or I was going to have a heart attack and die.  Worse would be to have a heart attack and survive and go through the challenges that would entail.  I just knew that I was too young to have a heart attack and die and I didn't want to go through that if I could help it.  Besides that it was getting harder and harder to get my big body off of the couch...that was pretty scary to realize that I was having a hard time getting off of a couch.

So...I knew that the Spirit was telling me I had to take care of myself, that I have to lose weight or bad things were going to happen to me.  I really didn't want something bad to happen to me and know that I am too young to die...I have children to get married and grandchildren to love so I knew that I had to do something...but what?  I had briefly joined Weight Watchers on-line and didn't know what to do so I ended up cancelling it.  I kept thinking it was a good way to do the weight loss thing but knew that I couldn't do it on-line by myself and figured the meetings were in Victorville and I didn't want to drive that far.

Well...my friend, Kathryn, told me that she and Donne were going to go to Weight Watchers on September 4th.  I had been thinking about it so I told her I "might" come with her and made sure where it was and what day, time, etc.  So it gets close to the day and I tell Kathryn again I "might" come with them as I got in my car and drove over to Kathryn's house to go to the meeting with her and Donne.  As we were going to the meeting I said I "might" join and how I was going to check it out and see if I want to do this.  We got in line to check in, I filled out the paperwork and handed over my credit card so they could bill me monthly.  I stood there saying I "might" do this as I sat and listened to the meeting.  I got the paperwork, books, information and we left the meeting.  I headed home with the ladies and was wondering what in the world I had gotten myself in to.  I wasn't sure what to do and what to eat and when to start when I realized, "Just do it now".  Okay...so I got home and figured out what I could eat for dinner, how many points it was and off I went.  I had my birthday the day before and had Costco carrot cake and I wasn't going to just throw it away.  I was told I could eat whatever I wanted, just consider the portion size, so I figured I was going to finish my birthday carrot cake and see how things went.  I proceeded to figure out what I could eat that first week and enjoyed a piece of carrot cake every day until it was gone.

The following week I went to the meeting wondering if I had done any good and got on the scale...I couldn't believe it when they said I had lost 3 pounds.  Oh my goodness...I lost 3 pounds and still enjoyed my carrot cake slice every day.  I was sold...I knew that if I could lose 3 pounds the first week and eat my carrot cake too this was for me.  It's pretty funny because that first week I would look at the portion size and wonder where the rest of my food was and wonder how it was going to fill me up and how I was going to get through this.  I had to tell myself as I took a bite, "this is so delicious, it is so much food.  I will be so stuffed when I am finished with this...skinny people eat this much and they are satisfied.  This is so good, I can do it...it's plenty of food."  I had to do this quite a bit to make myself understand I was eating plenty of food and it was all okay.  I figured out that it is partly a mind game and mostly portion control in how much food I am eating.  Also it's in how great the taste is.  I figured out I can eat a little mini bar and take little nibbles and enjoy the delicious taste of it and be satisfied when I am done.

I stopped drinking soda and found that I don't have problems with heart burn that I was having.  I was taking an antacid every day due to heart burn and now...nothing...no heart burn.  I really believe it was the soda that was doing it to me.  My boys had told me that soda caused heartburn for them so I figured I would give it a try in giving it up and it worked.  I was so happy!!!

After so many months of working on my journey I have lost 33 pounds so far.  I have gone down 2 to 3 pant sizes and am feeling so much better.  I find it easier to get off the couch...I love it how my face is thinning out and look forward to losing my double chin completely.  I have more energy and feel better about myself and the way I am looking.  I love it that I can fit in clothing that I haven't fit in to for many years.

I finally realized it was time to let go of the pain and grief of losing my mom.  It has been 10 years and I was ready to let it all go.  I gained 30 pounds after she died and it was time to let it all go.  I am wearing clothing that I haven't worn for so long...I am so proud of myself.  I am proud of myself for letting go of the grief and pain.  I choose to celebrate the life of my beautiful mother and celebrate my life in being healthier.

It's a journey...a lifelong journey...but I am on the path and look forward to continuing it and celebrating every success in this journey.  I was so proud when I got my 25 pound charm...so proud when I got my 10% key chain from weight watchers...so proud to look in the mirror and see a skinnier face and a more fit body.  I know it's going to take some time but I look forward to the journey and know that with the Lord's help I can do it.

I am proud of me!!!

Time just keeps on slipping...slipping...slipping...into the future...

Wow...here it is January 25th...and Daniel has only 7 months to go before he comes home from Chile. He has grown so much, he is such an amazing young man. He has gone from being my little boy to being a man and the journey has been so wonderful to see.

Right now I am dealing with a bum left shoulder. I think it happened back in July when I was trying on a shirt at Wal-Mart and couldn't quite get it over my head. I moved my arm to get it off and hurt something...well...it's taken months but it has gotten worse. I now have very limited use of my arm, can't put my arm behind my back and the pain can be excruciating when my arm gets jarred a certain way. The pain just keeps getting worse and I finally went to the doctor as I couldn't stand it any long. So I got an x-ray and the doctor said I have osteo arthritis. It's not any better and I went in again and now have had an MRI. We'll see what that tells us. I take 800 mg of Ibuprofen and vicoden and it isn't really touching it. Oh well...I don't want to be a complainer so we will see what the test results are.

Catherine is doing better right now with clients booking more often. Her clientele is growing and our prayers are being answered. She is looking to go back to school to become an MA and then nursing...that seems to be the plan for now anyway. She needs a job with benefits and a steady income so I am thrilled that she is working on getting back in school. It is fun having my Catherine around.

Michael is a senior at BYU Provo and working hard to complete his bachelor's degree and then on to Physician's Assistant College. He's such a wonderful young man...I just loved having him home for Christmas and getting to see him for 2 weeks. I so love my Michael.

Daniel is just doing so fantastic on his mission. He doesn't want to think about coming home in 7 months and I encourage him not to. He needs to concentrate on what he is doing and continue to do a great job in Chile loving the people and bringing them the gospel. I so can't wait to see him in 7 months though...I miss my gentle giant. He has lost so much weight and is looking amazing...he will have to work at keeping it all off after he gets home, that's for sure.

Christina is such a great mommy and is sure making a name for herself in the digital scrapbooking world. She is such a talented artist.

I just love being a grandma...my grandkids are just the best! They bring sunshine to my heart...they are my sunshine! :)

I am so blessed even with the challenge of my shoulder. What would life be without it's challenges? It's how we get through them that matters most.

Life seems to go by so quickly!

It's been a while since I posted. Life seems to go so quickly...it just is flying by. It seems like just yesterday school started and here we are at the end of the school year. I knew it would go quickly and it has. Daniel has been out for 9 months now...9 months...in some ways it is so quick and in others it is forever. lol

Daniel is doing great though...he just got transferred after being in Loncoche for 6 weeks and the day before he left he left his camera on the table and went to buy something and when he got back it was gone. Yep...someone stole his camera. He broke rule #1 though...he took his eyes off of a valuable item that was important to him. Oh well...lesson learned and I doubt that he will do this again. My heart hurts for him though because he was so upset. I love my dear Daniel and hurt for him when he is so upset. Now he has to get another camera...hopefully he will get a good one for a good price.

Christina has to get a biopsy on her thyroid...that will be within the next few weeks. Alexander has to have an MRI to see if he has a tethered spine...he's gone through so much and still has some more to get through. He is so amazing though...he has such a wonderful outlook on life and is so full of energy, everything is spectacular to Alex. He's such a joy to be with. I love my grandson so much. I know that with the Lord's help he will be fine as will my dear Christina.

I interviewed for yet another full-time job the other day...it was hard to deal with the rejection once again and then Christina asked me the most simple of questions. She asked me "Mom, why do you need to work full-time?" I hadn't thought of that...she asked if being a mom wasn't enough. Those words were so enlightening to me. I knew that I wasn't supposed to work full-time...I knew it because the spirit told me so but I had applied because my husband thought it was a good idea. Well...those words kept ringing in my ears and in my thoughts and I did tell her that I don't have to. I know that my family needs me, that just because they are all grown up it doesn't mean that they don't still need me. I know that my mood dictates how the home mood is and that it's more important for me to be home and work the part-time hours I work than to be stressed in a full-time job. I am so grateful for the Gospel and the influence it is in my life. I love my family and am so grateful we are going to be together forever. So...no more full-time job interviews...I'm not going to do it...I am a full-time mom with a part-time job. Life is good...it's the way it's supposed to be.

Life goes on...and on....and on...

Well, it's been a while since I have posted so I thought maybe I should put an update on my blog. Time just seems to fly by most of the time. I can't believe it's already the 19th of January. Just thinking about the time that has passed makes me marvel at how quickly time can fly.

Daniel is in Chile on his mission and is on his second area. He wasn't in his first area for too long, just 2 1/2 months. He has had 2 companions and now has a third. He said that the Lord doesn't want him too comfortable and it is so true. I think it's good though because it keeps Daniel on his toes to move him to another area and a new companion. He is doing so great on his mission and working so hard. I am so proud of him and how great he is doing. He is working through his homesickness and is great about not thinking about his family except for just a little at night for prayers and holidays. He made it through the holidays and is moving forward...he's such an awesome young man. I am so proud of him and the choice he made to serve a mission for the Lord.

Michael was home for the holidays and that was great. I realized how much I miss having my sons around here at home. It was great getting to spend some time with Michael and enjoy him for a few weeks. I'm sure he was glad to get back up to college but I sure enjoyed having him home.

Catherine is keeping busy with her spa and still figuring out what else she might like to do in life. I am really loving having the opportunity to spend time with her as she lives at home once again. I don't worry about her now that she is living in California around family and am so proud of her for all that she is striving for. She is teaching Gospel Doctrine in her ward and is doing a great job. Catherine is such a wonderful woman.

Christina and Ray and the kids are a joy to me. I love, love, love to have my grandchildren come over. We get together every week and it is such a joy to me. Christina is talking about when they move to Idaho and I just pray it isn't for another year. I dont' know what I will do when they move so far away from us but know that we will follow as soon as we can.

It's so strange to have a count down to retirement for my sweetheart. Just a few more years and he will be able to retire from teaching at his high school. We laugh about when he graduates from high school we will buy him a class ring. It will be such a great accomplishment...he is such a wonderful teacher. I just hope that he will be able to continue to teach, maybe at a college, after he retires. I think he will go crazy without the classroom to go to.

Me? I'm just loving having a chance to be with my family. My favorite thing to do is hang with my family and my friends. Life has it's challenges, it's ups and downs, and when it is the down times I try to remember the good things and count my blessings. I am grateful for the experiences that I get to have, especially knowing that I can be with my family forever. That's what makes it worth it to get through the down times that I experience.

Today it is cloudy out and we are being blessed with rain. So much rain at once can be challenging, but what a blessing to have the moisture for the earth. I love it that we finally get some rain but also love how nice the weather is where we live most of the time.

Yes...life has it's ups and downs but with the Lord all things are possible. It's all in how we look at it, right? :)