Updates

About 5 days after I heard my friend was on hospice she died.  It was so quick.  Unfortunately they are having the memorial service for her on the 23rd and I will be on an airplane heading to New Mexico to see my Aunt Donna.  I am so excited to go.  I am going to meet up with my 2 sisters in Albuquerque and we are renting a car and driving up to Ruidoso.  We will be there for 3 days and then home again...it's going to be so much fun.

This last week I ended up sick.  I was sick from Friday to here it is a Sunday...so 9 days of being ill.  I am finally getting my strength back...it was a doozy!  I didn't even go to work all week.  Well, I went on Thursday for 45 minutes and then left again.  I just couldn't function.  I was so weak and jittery...it was so crazy!  I am so grateful to be on this end of it and finally feeling like I have some strength again.  It's been about a month since I saw my grandchildren and I am going crazy about that but yeah...this illness that is going around is so bad...it's hitting everyone and taking at least a week to get over.  I like to feel strong and that didn't happen this week.

I am working on getting my faire outfit redone due to my weight loss.  It's so nice to be taking it in rather than working on letting it out.  Such a difference and one I haven't had to do before.  It's quite a change and one I am grateful for. :)

Sad News today...

     So today I found out that a friend of mine is on hospice.  I have known her for about 11 years or so and it made me so sad.  My heart is hurting for my friend.  She has cancer in the jaw and it is back with a vengeance and there is no longer any hope.  She has weeks or months and my heart just breaks for her and her family.  She is one of the sweetest women I know.  Always so kind and gentle...I love my friend so much.  It's just so hard when life hands these lessons out.  I know it's all part of life's plan but oh it is so hard to bear sometimes.  I am hoping my mom will give her a hug for me when she gets to the other side.  I always gave my friend a hug and wish I could now but she needs time alone with her family and she is pretty wasted away from what Christina tells me.  I am grateful that I can think of her when she was in full health...my prayers are with her and her family.

On my journey...

My journey continues with it's ups and downs.  One week I am on the top of the world and then the next I am frustrated.  It's all a part of life and no reason to fret...that's why it's a journey.  There are ups and downs and side roads and it's all good.  It's as it is and I am grateful for what I have done and what I continue to do.  I got on the scale this morning and it was up a few pounds.  It is so frustrating to see it but I do know that it is what it is and next week it will be down those pounds and more.  Sigh...sometimes it is hard to keep on my journey and be strong and know that this is all going to happen.  I know it will all be well as I am committed to continuing on my journey and will continue to do all I can to make it happen.  This is a lifelong journey and it has it's side roads but I plan on staying on the right road and seeing the progress of the journey.

Life's Challenges

Sometimes there are just challenges in life and it has nothing to do with a journey I am on.  I guess it's a different type of journey...one of getting along with those you work with.  At least one in particular.  It is a part of my life and my challenge and I am constantly trying to change my attitude and not worry about anyone else's attitude.  I know that the only person I can change is me...no one else, just me.  I feel so inadequate at times and fail so miserably but at least I keep trying, right?  I know I have to concentrate on my blessings and I do try to do that. 

I am proud of myself because I was able to take in some blouses that I haven't been able to wear yet as I am losing weight so yeah...I can wear 2 blouses my sweetheart bought for me over the summer that are long sleeved for winter.  I took them in on the seams and they look great.  I am really excited to wear them now...and the best thing is they only cost $5 and I still get to enjoy them. :)  I took in the seams on some skirts too so they aren't a total loss or going to someone else.  I love these skirts and I am so happy I get to still wear them.

Oh...the good news is that I lost 3.6 pounds over the holiday season and I have lost a total of 35 pounds now.  I am so proud of myself and plan on continuing on my journey to get to where I want to be.  

New Beginnings and my journey...

It is January 7, 2013 and I can't believe how long it's been since I wrote on my blog.  So much has happened since my last post.  Daniel came home from Chile, was home a week and then we took him up to BYU Idaho to go to college.  That was so hard...to have him home a week and then to take him away again.  I knew that this was the right thing to do and I love my son so very much that I knew we had to do it.  I am so glad I listened to the Spirit when I was told he needed to go there.  In March 2012 while he was there he was at a church activity and riding on an ATV and ended up going off of it and got a broken collar bone that required him to come home for surgery.   That was such a crazy time as we got the call about the accident and the next day we were in the car heading up to Idaho to bring him home...in pain and pretty out of it but that's another story. He was home for about 7 weeks and went back to continue in school.

The biggest thing that happened is that I finally decided to take control of my life and my weight.  Back in August I started getting the thought that I had better do something about my weight or I was going to have a heart attack and die.  Worse would be to have a heart attack and survive and go through the challenges that would entail.  I just knew that I was too young to have a heart attack and die and I didn't want to go through that if I could help it.  Besides that it was getting harder and harder to get my big body off of the couch...that was pretty scary to realize that I was having a hard time getting off of a couch.

So...I knew that the Spirit was telling me I had to take care of myself, that I have to lose weight or bad things were going to happen to me.  I really didn't want something bad to happen to me and know that I am too young to die...I have children to get married and grandchildren to love so I knew that I had to do something...but what?  I had briefly joined Weight Watchers on-line and didn't know what to do so I ended up cancelling it.  I kept thinking it was a good way to do the weight loss thing but knew that I couldn't do it on-line by myself and figured the meetings were in Victorville and I didn't want to drive that far.

Well...my friend, Kathryn, told me that she and Donne were going to go to Weight Watchers on September 4th.  I had been thinking about it so I told her I "might" come with her and made sure where it was and what day, time, etc.  So it gets close to the day and I tell Kathryn again I "might" come with them as I got in my car and drove over to Kathryn's house to go to the meeting with her and Donne.  As we were going to the meeting I said I "might" join and how I was going to check it out and see if I want to do this.  We got in line to check in, I filled out the paperwork and handed over my credit card so they could bill me monthly.  I stood there saying I "might" do this as I sat and listened to the meeting.  I got the paperwork, books, information and we left the meeting.  I headed home with the ladies and was wondering what in the world I had gotten myself in to.  I wasn't sure what to do and what to eat and when to start when I realized, "Just do it now".  Okay...so I got home and figured out what I could eat for dinner, how many points it was and off I went.  I had my birthday the day before and had Costco carrot cake and I wasn't going to just throw it away.  I was told I could eat whatever I wanted, just consider the portion size, so I figured I was going to finish my birthday carrot cake and see how things went.  I proceeded to figure out what I could eat that first week and enjoyed a piece of carrot cake every day until it was gone.

The following week I went to the meeting wondering if I had done any good and got on the scale...I couldn't believe it when they said I had lost 3 pounds.  Oh my goodness...I lost 3 pounds and still enjoyed my carrot cake slice every day.  I was sold...I knew that if I could lose 3 pounds the first week and eat my carrot cake too this was for me.  It's pretty funny because that first week I would look at the portion size and wonder where the rest of my food was and wonder how it was going to fill me up and how I was going to get through this.  I had to tell myself as I took a bite, "this is so delicious, it is so much food.  I will be so stuffed when I am finished with this...skinny people eat this much and they are satisfied.  This is so good, I can do it...it's plenty of food."  I had to do this quite a bit to make myself understand I was eating plenty of food and it was all okay.  I figured out that it is partly a mind game and mostly portion control in how much food I am eating.  Also it's in how great the taste is.  I figured out I can eat a little mini bar and take little nibbles and enjoy the delicious taste of it and be satisfied when I am done.

I stopped drinking soda and found that I don't have problems with heart burn that I was having.  I was taking an antacid every day due to heart burn and now...nothing...no heart burn.  I really believe it was the soda that was doing it to me.  My boys had told me that soda caused heartburn for them so I figured I would give it a try in giving it up and it worked.  I was so happy!!!

After so many months of working on my journey I have lost 33 pounds so far.  I have gone down 2 to 3 pant sizes and am feeling so much better.  I find it easier to get off the couch...I love it how my face is thinning out and look forward to losing my double chin completely.  I have more energy and feel better about myself and the way I am looking.  I love it that I can fit in clothing that I haven't fit in to for many years.

I finally realized it was time to let go of the pain and grief of losing my mom.  It has been 10 years and I was ready to let it all go.  I gained 30 pounds after she died and it was time to let it all go.  I am wearing clothing that I haven't worn for so long...I am so proud of myself.  I am proud of myself for letting go of the grief and pain.  I choose to celebrate the life of my beautiful mother and celebrate my life in being healthier.

It's a journey...a lifelong journey...but I am on the path and look forward to continuing it and celebrating every success in this journey.  I was so proud when I got my 25 pound charm...so proud when I got my 10% key chain from weight watchers...so proud to look in the mirror and see a skinnier face and a more fit body.  I know it's going to take some time but I look forward to the journey and know that with the Lord's help I can do it.

I am proud of me!!!